Talks with God, Part 1: Naps

A talk with God.

A. Me

God: I want you to take a nap today.

Me: I don’t nap.

God: Remember where it says I MAKE you lie down in green pastures? Yeah. You need some time out.

Me: Really, I’m good. Also, I’m not tired! *stamps foot for emphasis*

God: TAKE A NAP.

Me: BUT I’M NOT TIRED! *yawns but covers it with a cough*

God, muttering: Well, you’re making ME tired.

Me, crossing my arms: Hey! I have things to do! Like, important stuff, You wouldn’t understand. I don’t have time to lie down in stupid pastures!

God: I DON’T CARE IF YOU SLEEP BUT YOU’RE GOING TO LIE DOWN SO HELP ME.

Me (stomps off to green pastures and slams invisible door): You’re mean!

God: Relax, woman. Things will look better later, I promise. *Turns to angel: They’re a lot of work, but they’re so cute when they’re sleeping.*

B. God

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

~ Psalm 23

I Hate Laundry. Should I Join a Nudist Colony?

So, I hate laundry. I don’t wanna do it anymore.

It never ends, and that’s depressing. I mean, I like the dumping in the washer part just fine, and the soap part, but then I’m way over it and I just want to sit around and bemoan Lady Mary and Matthew for a while.

Maybe Pinterest something.

But not the folding. Not the putting away. Ugh.

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Revenge of the Mamas

I’ve been thinking.

When my kids are grown and move out (I’m down to only one ankle-biter at the moment and since he’s much taller than I am, he’s more of a forehead biter) I’m going to visit them.

A lot.

Probably for 2-3 weeks at a time.

The hubs and I already decided we are all about RV living, and we are totally here for some eccentric senior citizen behavior.

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Curly Hair Slang Dictionary: Plop, No-Poo & Other Weird Terms

You know you need it: a slang dictionary for all of those curly hair words and terms you hear thrown around.

What the heck is plopping? What kind of weird contraption is a diffuser? What in the name of all that is holy guacamole do pineapples have to do with anything?

Don’t fret, my lovelies. I’ve got you. Like the curl version of the urban dictionary, here is a curly hair glossary for all those crazy terms and words.

Cue theme music.

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Best Thriller Books for Teens & Their Murder-Loving Mamas

It’s weird but it’s true: Most people love to be scared.

As a little girl I crawled under my blankets at night to read Nancy Drew by the light of a dimming flashlight.

As a teen I discovered the gothic thrills that books like Jane Eyre, Jamaica Inn, and Mary Stewart titles could give me.

And now, as a grown up bookworm, I eat up thrillers like they’re going out of style (thankfully, they’re not).

In fact, if I do pick up the occasional chic lit, family drama, or self-help book, I end up bored and whispering,

Mama needs a good murder…

My family is leery of me, but what else is new?

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