The Homeschool Mom’s Advent Calendar

For all you homeschool moms out there, a very merry Yuletide to you. Use this simple Advent Calendar to plan out all your holiday activities.

Begin creating your homemade gifts. Nothing says self-sacrifice like hot glue gunning everything sparkly to everything glittery.
Pick up your Christmas cards from your handy-dandy neighborhood super store. Wonder if all your nearest and dearest friends and family will think your children are possessed by the devil since you forgot to erase all the red-eye (in spite of the helpful “I have edited my photo” question you ignored during the uploading process). Color six pairs of eyes with a brown Sharpie. For all 55 cards. Get woozy from licking the tip of the marker.
Realize you are two cards short. Debate: another trip to the super store where you might actually be in line until Easter, or remove two others from your card list, cross their names off the envelope with your trusty brown Sharpie, and hope they don’t notice?

Christmas baking begins. You will need approximately a sleigh full of butter, a vat of brown sugar, a case of candy canes, and the self-control of well-trained elves. There will be DIY marshmallows, chocolate kisses, rum truffles, eggnog fudge, and a partridge in a pear tree! (At least there will be on Pinterest. The rest of are going to make Snickerdoodles, toss em in cute tins, and call it a day.)
Go shopping for your loved ones. Spend an agonizing nine hours looking for the right Lego Dalmation Firetruck for your Pooky. It is – naturally – back at the first store you looked at, but you are determined to save eleven cents so you gallivant off to three other stores. They don’t have it. Double back, only to find the first store is sold out. Sob in the aisle.
Find the gift online. Pay double for shipping. Regret that eleven cents.

Realize you forgot to water the tree for the last month. Hastily sweep the needles under the couch. Hide new ornaments amongst the old ones and watch your kiddos find them.
Build gingerbread houses with your kids. Try to keep the dog from eating all the windows and trees. Realize the Middler has wandered off to watch holiday movies. The Eldest’s roof is crooked and you spend the rest of the day “fixing it,” while she paints her toenails instead. Pooky cries when he’s done because you said, no, he cannot knock them all over now, and he really does not see the point.

Gleefully eat everything in sight.
Wrap presents. You had visions of color themed wrapping paper, with matching burlap homemade bows, individual tags lovingly cut out with embellishment scissors, all to make a tableau that would make Martha Stewart green with envy. Settle for two rolls of Avengers paper, some recycled birthday gift bags, and a set of paper grocery sacks turned inside out. Run out of Scotch tape. Get out the hot glue gun.
Forget to be the Tooth Fairy for the fourth night in a row. Hand upset child a Snickerdoodle.
Allow one present to be opened on Christmas Eve. Pooky stares at his Dalmation Firetruck in confusion. It’s the wrong one, he says. But he is fully in love with the bag of Cheetos sticking out of his stocking, so it’s all good.
Rest up, little mamas everywhere … Merry Christmas!

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