9 Secret Perks of Homeschooling

Growing up, back in the day, I was homeschooled.

It was uphill to class, both ways, in the snow, and we wrote on a slate. True story.

Dear Suddenly Homeschooling Mama (An Open Letter)

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Now, throughout the years, I have homeschooled my own gremlins (no snow, no hills, computers…my pioneer mama scoffs) and the combination has given me a unique perspective. Everyone knows about the obvious perks to homeschooling (no drugs, pajamas, no school shootings, no mysterious school lunches, pajamas, lack of bullies, customized education, pajamas), but let me let you in on a few secret ones you may never have even considered.

9 Secret HomeSchool Perks

1. DOUBLE DIP REUNIONs

Planning your high school reunion is a lot like planning your family reunion.

Actually, it is planning your family reunion. My sister and I like to walk into our mother’s kitchen occasionally and shout, “high school reunion!” We find this endlessly funny.

No one has to wear name tags, or pretend they remember someone they don’t. There are no jocks that turned into alcoholic custodians, or cheer leaders who became lawyers, or awkward encounters with that girl who picked on you in the seventh grade, or that boy who used to snap your training bra.

And speaking of awkward encounters…

2. No One to Stalk on Social Media

Having a Facebook account won’t dredge up old school acquaintances, better left forgotten.

Facebook is a leading cause of divorce these days because of bored housewives or husbands in the midst of mid-life crisis’ looking up lost boyfriends and girlfriends.

Homeschoolers? Puhleeze. We have no one to look up!

3. Shorter Checkout Lines & Matinee Pricing

You can go everywhere during school hours. Everything will be quieter, cleaner, easier to navigate, and generally less expensive.

And when you see another family across the room, doing the same thing, you can bet they’re homeschooling, too.

Back in the olden days, this meant you would cross the room on angel wings and weep for joy that you had just found someone as weird as you. Nowadays, we just nod politely and ignore one another since homeschoolers are a dime a dozen.

Again, my pioneer mama scoffs. Hear that? It’s the sound of her scoffing. Seriously, Mom, keep it down.

4. Spelling FTW

Our kids will hopefully know how to spell, and not just Text Speak. KWIM, prolly?

5. Savings on School Supplies

You’ll save a small fortune by not participating in the Back to School Shopping craze, School Pictures, and backpacks.

My kids would give their eyeteeth for a backpack though. What are you going to do, gremlins? Pack it all the way to the kitchen table?

6. Prom

There’s not one.

‘Nuff said.

7. Prom II

Actually, that isn’t all to be said about prom. How happy are we that our teenage daughters aren’t buying a $500 dress that we stay up all night worrying will end up on a hotel floor somewhere?

Pretty happy.

And how happy are we that our teenage son won’t be subjected to a pressure to submit to their immortal peers?

Wildly happy.

8. People think we’re brave

Should we tell them they’re delusional, or let them continue in their erroneous assumptions?

Should we tell them we are too chicken to send our babies to school, not that we are Super Moms with capes and tights, capable of leaping tall buildings in a single bound and grading algebra?

Should we tell them we don’t even look good in tights?

Nah. Let them be impressed.

I, for one, will wallow in their mistaken belief in my pluckiness. Never mind that I am basically a guppy with the bravado of a kitten and can’t fathom dropping my little pooky bear off at a public school, where they could choke on Tuna Casserole Surprise or catch the eye of an overly attentive gym teacher.

Let them think we’re brave.